This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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