The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize