Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
