Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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