i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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