Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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