The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
