I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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