you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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