the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
