I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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