My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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