actually, I'm a sock model
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
