Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ttyl tear gas
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
