fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
