it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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