do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
