I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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