belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
