I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
