drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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