no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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