Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
