ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This is my life. Enjoy the view
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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