I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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