I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
