So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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