My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
