NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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