I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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