dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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