why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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