what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
