She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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