my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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