you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
