do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
