Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
