Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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