Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
