So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You ruined the universe
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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