all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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