why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
