Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
