Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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