It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
