You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
