My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
