Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
