You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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