He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
