how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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