my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
