i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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