she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
