I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
