I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
