oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
