He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
