And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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