You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
