I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
