great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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