At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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