i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
