Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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